I am taking a very good look to all the wonderfully documented entries.
I noticed how you have improved the dialogue making changes to a few lines which unfortunately would no longer match the VOs (ex. "kidnapping" replacing "stealing" or "the entire fate of the galaxy" replaced by "the fate of the entire galaxy"). While I can appreciate how the text itself becomes better, I have myself chosen in such cases to let it go.
At 2406 I would suggest a "!" after "worry"-
At 2533 there is a typo (at least in the documentation): "to".
At 4118 typo ("yo" -> "you")
Entry 5346 appears twice.
At 6831 the correction is missing.
At 18397 "almost" is written twice.
At 19195 you change "loathe" to "loathed" but I find the original text to be correct.
At 19465 typo: payed -> paid
19543 has a double entry.
At 21287 self-righteousness -> self-righteous
At 21573 not going risk -> not going to risk
At 21808 want leave -> want to leave
24769 should really be 24768
At 24781 "keep" should be changed to "kept"
24832 suggested change: "You think you can cheat me out of my hard-earned credits and live?"
At 24833 "settle 400 credits" -> "settle for 400 credits"
At 24834 "exited" -> "excited"
24874 suggested change: "Davik plans to make credits off the deathly sick? That's truly despicable."
25149 suggested change: "Sure. Run back to the surface before things get too hot around here, brave soldier."
At 25156 "there" -> "here"
At 25253 "it's" -> "its"
At 25254 "dispicable" -> "despicable" - also suggested change: "Have you always been so self-centered?"
At 25280 and 25311 "I'm going" -> "I'm not going"
At 26083 "conviced" -> "convinced" and "realtionship" -> "relationship"
At 26273 "you" -> "they"
At 26497 suggested tweak: "I'd like to see you try and operate that communicator without arms."
At 26501 suggested change: remove "Vulkar"
At 26523 suggested tweak: "I need information. I suggest you answer my questions before I decide you're more useful to me dead than alive."
At 26657 suggested change (the revision doesn't fit in with the dialogue): "You don't seem to understand so I'll make it very simple: the girl, or your life. Now."
At 26697 suggested change: "It's nothing personal, but the Vulkars have Bastila and it's easier to get her back directly from them."
At 27128 suggested change: "I don't like your face. I can rearrange it for you for free or you can pay up to keep it the way it is."
At 27130 suggested change: "[Persuade] I'll leave you alone... but that privilege is going to cost you."
At 27177 "theeth" -> "teeth"
At 27486 suggested change: "[Force Persuade] You need the business and will gladly waive the landing fee."
At 27750 typos "payed" -> "paid", "your" -> "you're" and suggested change: "Listen, you crook: you come up with a fair price or you won't be around to enjoy your large profits."
At 27760 suggested change (the revision doesn't fit in with the dialogue): "You have a deal." -> "I will pay the asked price."
At 28696 "possible" -> "possibly", "burried" -> "buried"
At 29271 suggested change: "I've just slaughtered tens of Sand People warriors. Sweeten the deal and the last thing you learn in your life won't be how easily I could kill you too."
At 29805 "of" -> "off"
At 30965 "disposed them" -> "disposed of them"
At 31180 typo (original) "did really did deceive you" -> "did really deceive you"
At 31693 suggested change: "feeling" -> "blow"
At 32586 "payed" -> "paid"
At 32938 "decypher" -> "decipher" and suggested change: "stowaway. The rudimentary language she speaks, while sounding like Mandalorian, translates into pure gibberish. With some effort, it might be possible to decipher her made-up language. Getting her off the ship by force is also a possibility."
At 33303 "wether" -> "whether"
At 39304 "het" -> "get"
At 39339 "stay" -> "stayed"
At 42719 "look up Mika" -> "look him up"
At 48872 suggested change: "Leave him alone."
At 48980 "to time" -> "no time"
I will return with more suggestions/questions as I proceed further. It will take quite some time.
Oh and ironically, in your post above, you have misspelled "omitted" *chuckles*
Thanks for your invaluable work!
Cheers!
PS It would have been much easier to be able to download the change-log. Perhaps you can consider allowing for it?