Not bad, but still needs improvement. I think there should be a little 1 sec silence before "there's more..." and at least a 2 second silence before "Our alliance is finished...". Additionally, I do not think Nihilus should talk in this occasion, but if he has to, his line should be a lot less longer.
Other than that, I think there should be a more pressing reason for Sion to draw out his lightsaber, other than having Nihilus utter nonsense at him. Maybe something blocking his path like ship debris falling or the catwalk virtually collapsing in front of Sion.