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I finally had a chance to review your work at length. Pretty good! Definitely a good idea removing all those ridiculous exclamations and general idiocy. Of course the quality is a bit uneven. An intention seems lost on occasion, e.g. some of the threats lose force. And you overcompensated a little towards unnatural, pompous dialogue. For example, you seem to think replacing verbs with nouns is automatically an improvement, e.g.: "If you resist me, Carth, I'll destroy you" -> "Resistance will only lead to your destruction, Carth" Overall, though, a good effort.