Let me say loud and proud, I absolutely hated this movie. Those of you who can cast your mind back two years ago might remember that I was one of the staunchest critics of TFA. However, at least with TFA, the fundamentals weren't terrible. Sure, it was a pale imitation, but a well-crafted one.
This movie...where can one begin?
2. Luke milking that space cow was freaking weird.
3. I'm of two minds vis-a-vis Snoke poking fun at Kylo for his stupid helmet. I mean, I love it because it is stupid, but at the same time, these internal potshots made the whole SW universe look like a ridiculous joke.
4. Okay, I know it's been established that small ships can do a lot of damage (looking at you A-wing in RotJ) but apparently, it only takes one bomber to destory a freaking dreadnaught.
5. I know the Republic is destroyed but I find it odd that amongst the wreckage of a galactic government, the Rebels have less ships than they did against the Empire. Why is that? Are more people are scared of the First Order, basically a no-name bastardisation of the Empire than they were of the Empire itself?
6. Leia using the Force to get back to the ship...possibly the most outlandish scene in the whole movie. I'm no expert on space, but when you're in -200 degrees, certain things happen to your body which make it difficult to do things like stay alive, let alone become superman and fly back to your ship.
7. The banter between Hux and Kylo was a over-the-top and actually made them look like whinny neophtyes rather than serious enemies; Hux's reputation as a moustache-twirler is now well-established!
8. I swear, the Porgs have more screentime than Leia does. If they're not crying on screen in front of Chewie, you can't go 5 minutes without hearing their stupid croak - for a moment I thought I was watching Pokemon.
9. Luke's joking was funny but there was too much of it - he's meant to be the most earnest guy in the galaxy who's suddently became the class clown. For example, throwing away his dad's lightsaber, which, if not a priceless jedi relic, is at least a precious family heirloom.
10. The dispute between Kylo and Luke's version of events at the temple was like watching a whodunnit.
11. Luke's hatred of the Jedi was an interesting notion, but it was never really fleshed out - he talks about hypocrisy but never really goes into specifics other than his own person failures. It seems too narcassistic to condemn an entire religion to oblivion for one's own failures, doesn't it?
12. So let me get this straight. Finn and Rose fly all the way *away* from the battle (well not a battle, more like a slow retreat) to this casino planet to find some master slicer, when just as they're about to meet him, they get apprehended by awesome power of the...police? Forgive me, I thought Finn at least was a bit more highly-trained than that, what with being a former stormtrooper and all.
13. Speaking of the slicer guy, what a totally-forgettable perfidious character he is. Now that his role is basically finished, will they even bother bringing him back into the next movie?
14. Apparently, it just takes a rusty metal pick to slice through the shields of a massive Imperial starship.
15. I liked the set-up with the animal racing - it hits home here in Sydney because New South Wales had a big row over Greyhound racing last year. Nevertheless, I think this movie took the PETA animal stuff a bit too far.
16. Remind me why it was necessary for a Vice-Admiral to have purple hair and a flowing dress? I was under the impression that military commanders wore uniforms but hey, I could be wrong.
17. Why are C-3PO and R2-D2 even in this movie - they play no role and are totally supplanted by BB-8.
18. That Yoda CGI was hideous. There was nothing wrong with the Yoda CGI in the prequels so I don't know why has it's gone backwards in a decade.
19. While we're on the Yoda topic, I know he often lapsed in and out of humour, but his blase attitude to sacred Jedi texts (whose significace was never explained fully anyway) is almost disturbing. I suppose he's trying to make a point, but it could have been done without completing shitting on any shred of seriousness the movie might have had.
20. The Kylo/Rey intergalactic Skype calls were silly, particularly the fact that they can see each other.
21. Snoke freaking dies. So we had two films setting up how this bad guy was sooooo evil and oh wait, he's dead in the second act. An arrogant gnat to the last because when he dies, it's literally because he doesn't have any peripheral vision.
22. While the hyperspace sacrifrice was the best part of the movie, why did it take her 20 minutes and the loss of like half their ships to think of it?
23. We're back to Hoth, err, I mean some other random planet with a Rebel base. Episode V anyone?
24. There was going to be a good scene where Finn might have actually done something worthwhile by ramming his ship into the big laser. Then of course, Rose comes in and ruins that by knocking him out of the way, thus condemning audiences everywhere to another movie with this terrible character.
26. The scene with the MF flying through the crystal cave was a literal copy/paste from RotJ's trench run - it was the same freaking music too!
27. I thought we were going to have a cool duel between Kylo and Luke where the latter could finally do something other than whine and sacrifice himself. Imagine my horror to find out that not only is astral-projecting oneself an actual thing in Star Wars, but that Luke was using it to trick Kylo - I bet Kreia wishes she had this power.
28. So we go from "there are no exits from the base" to "there might be unmapped caves" to "those darn ice-wolfs have to be getting out somewhere". Damnit, which is it 3PO!?
29. Why is Captain Phasma even in this movie? Just to have Finn actually accomplish something by killing her?
30. What was with that ending scene with the comet and the kid? That was one of the cringiest moments in film I have ever seen.
31. Aaaaaand at the end of the movie, we're at the point where no hero is dead - except Luke of course because just giving up into the Force for no reason is totally normaly when everyone in the galaxy is asking for your help.
I could go on and on but I think you guys get the gist.