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Kyle Katarn Facts (New Edition) (Possible Episode VII Spoilers).


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#1 ZM90

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Posted 31 December 2015 - 11:00 AM

Note: New Edition means it is allowed to include anything from the original universe being the first six movies + the EU and also anything from the Disney universe being the first six movies + Disney canon.

 

Fact: Kyle Katarn is suing Disney claiming that Starkiller Base is a rip-off of his Bryar Pistol (being as how his Bryar Pistol can destroy entire solar systems or the universe for that matter).

 

Fact: The real reason Kylo Ren is so emotionally scarred is because he once looked at Kyle Katarn wrong.

 

Fact: The real reason Disney wiped the EU from the new canon is because the new characters are too afraid to be in the same universe as Kyle Katarn.

 

Fact: Facts #2 and #3 are both true being that Kyle Katarn can timeline travel at will, I mean after all he is Kyle Katarn.



#2 Guibaesa

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Posted 31 December 2015 - 02:25 PM

Fact: Facts #2 and #3 are both true being that Kyle Katarn can timeline travel at will, I mean after all he is Kyle Katarn.

 

If he brings with him that awesome apprentice that he trained, you know, Jaden Korr, I will kneel to him as a mortal kneel to god.



#3 ZM90

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Posted 31 December 2015 - 08:42 PM

If he brings with him that awesome apprentice that he trained, you know, Jaden Korr, I will kneel to him as a mortal kneel to god.

 

Yeah he'll bring Jaden with him but only so he can show Jaden how it's properly done in the universe of Kyle Katarn.

 

Fact: Kyle Katarn is suing the First Order claiming that he Kyle Katarn is the first and only order in the universe.



#4 Guibaesa

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Posted 31 December 2015 - 09:42 PM

Amen.

#5 134340Goat

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Posted 31 December 2015 - 10:14 PM

The crossguard lightsaber is what happens when you let Kyle Katarn grip a lightsaber hilt too hard

The destroyed star destroyer on Jakku? The First Order pissed off Kyle Katarn. Thankfully he decided to show mercy

Luke didn't go into his exile because he failed. It was a diversion so Kyle Katarn could rebuild the Jedi properly

Snoke is not Darth Plagueis nor is he a resurrected Darth Sidious. He's really just a flake of skin that fell from Kyle Katarn that turned evil and gained sentience

#6 Domino5555

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Posted 01 January 2016 - 01:24 AM

The only reason Kylo Ren looks like Darth Revan was because he had a bet with Kyle Katarn.



#7 HK-47

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Posted 25 April 2017 - 05:07 AM

So I went to my old thread that was the original Kyle Facts here on DS. It's funny to see how old it is, and to see all the posters as "Guest (name)_*". I forget why that happened. I remember it had something to do with our profiles (obviously), but I don't remember exactly.

 

Here's my contribution to the new version, despite the date of the last post.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Kyle Katarn was originally going to be the main character for the Sequel Trilogy. The script went as follows: 

 

A Long Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far Far Away... 

 

Star Wars Episode VII-IX: Kyle Katarn 

 

Thirty years after the destruction of the second Death Star and the decimation

of the Galactic Empire, the sinister First Order rises to take it's place.

Unfortunately for them a rugged, no-nonsense bearded man woke up one 

morning and destroyed them all with his trusty Bryar Pistol in under three days.

 

Kylo Ren has returned to his parents as Ben Solo. Han Solo didn't die which makes

all fans everywhere happy. The New Republic Senate is still fine and moving to other

planets to keep safe.

 

------

 

(Roll Credits)

 

Cast: Kyle Katarn

 

A Very Special Thanks To

George Lucas

 

(End)

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

Kyle Katarn was originally put into the DICE Battlefront. But since nobody controls Kyle, the character would wander off while the player went afk. They'd come back as having the most points, objectives, kills, no deaths, etc. and the entire map decimated despite the game code. After lengthy discussions Kyle agreed to be taken out of the game and an imitation Bryar added. It is a poor imitation, even in the most skilled player's hands.

 

------------------------------------------------------

 

In the DICE Battlefront 2, there is a hidden code (Ky-17) that allows one to be teleported to a hidden map location in the mission when the second Death Star blows up. There players can find a note that says "Kyle Katarn was here."


"So long as you continue to be so predictable I need not face you at all. You are your own worst enemy".- Tassadar

~Observation: And if you did master, I could not prevent you. I would suggest that if my words are difficult to hear, then it is long past time someone said them to you. Speaking from the perspective of one who suffers considerable memory problems, repressing such horrific acts of slaughter, seems like such a waste. It is better to drag such delightful memories kicking and screaming into the open where they may be examined and replayed again and again savoring each beautiful moment. -HK-47 to the Exile KotOR2~

 

This is what I dream of when I see people whining about things, ignoring the facts. This is what whiny people look like. All I can say to whiny people on the internet is this, just not in so few words. If you don't like it, fill out this form.


#8 JayDominus

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Posted 05 May 2017 - 08:45 PM

Disney didn't buy Star Wars. They bought Kyle Katarn and the rest of the Star Wars was tossed in as a freebie.

Raven's Claw has no hyperdrive. Kyle just Force Pushes it into the hyperspace.

Whenever Kyle enters a bar, the bartender will turn into a chiss. Why? Noone knows. Kyle works in mysterious ways.

Kyle doesn't shave his beard with a lightsaber. He shaves lightsabers with his beard.

While Han made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, Kyle was the one warping all the laws of physics and grammar to make it possible.



#9 Mephiles550

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Posted 14 May 2017 - 04:14 AM

When Dark Forces II refuses to work properly even hours after trying to understand how to fix it, it's actually Kyle Katarn deeming you unworthy to play as him in all of his HD 60FPS glory.

 

Oh wait, that's just Lucasarts being sh*t at re-releasing old games for newer systems.



#10 dg1995

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Posted 08 October 2017 - 07:44 PM

Kyle Katarn Doesn't Obey the Laws of Physic, Laws of Physic obey Kyle Katarn.






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