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A little catching up to do...

Posted by Darth_Sapiens, 06 November 2015 · 1,473 views

Hey guys! :D


So, I have been away from the community for a while, and I feel kinda guilty about it. But, at the risk of going a little bit into my personal life (and sorry there has not been any modding in it at all lately,) I would like to share some of what happened in probably what has been a world changing time for me.


First, a little bit of background information. Most of my family are very conservative, fanatical Christians, they are Jehovah's Witnesses. As a JW, you are not supposed to associate with non-JW's, and you completely shun former JW's. Since I was 14, I lived with my father, and was a devout JW. for about 5 years I was very active in the church (cult.)


So, as the story goes, you'll see why this has made my life extremely tumultuous of late. about one year ago, I met my best friend, also a witness, we would spend all day talking to each other, until the wee hours of the morning. We had so many things in common, goals, dreams, interests. we just had so much fun together. Eventually we fell in love. I remember how the feeling changed me, I couldn't focus, it was like I was drunk 24/7. all I could think about was us.


Normally, it's a good thing to fall in love, for us, it was a curse. Because, I loved him, and he loved me, and well, we were gay. This is something that was extremely forbidden. If we were found out, it would mean losing our family, friends, and our entire social system.


I remember being suicidal so many times growing up, because I tried to be someone I wasn't. I tried to be straight. But there is no decision involved. When I met him, my view of life changed, it was worth while. I had someone who knew me, the real me. And, instead of hating me, he loved me just the way I was. We had been in a relationship for about one month, when our friends started to suspect that we were more then good friends. My friend dated me to hide my real relationship, ( she knew what was really going on, and she offered to help.)


Eventually, my boyfriend proposed to me. It had been so hard, because when you meet someone who makes you so happy, so proud to be alive and you just want to share them with the world. I wanted to tell my parents. So, I told my step mom, I came out to her. she was horrified and cried for a long time. She had said she would let me tell my father, but she couldn't hold it in. My father cried, and cried, and cried. he eventually called the church elders, they tried to "pray away the gay." I was so stressed, because I wouldn't give my boyfriends name away, but they were threatening to excommunicate me ( remember what I said about how JW's treat ex-JW's...) I never gave his name up. But my step mother called all of my friends to see if they could figure out who it was, eventually they found him. And then, he left me, he told me that he didn't want to make god sad anymore, he felt guilty about loving me, he said he wanted to live forever in god's kingdom, (think of it like a JW heaven.)


I have never been so low in my life, the church was going to expel me, I was going to lose everything, my family, my friends. everything. and then i had lost the most important person I had ever met. I was hospitalized for two weeks for suicide. the next week after i was out of the hospital, they kicked me out. My parents packed my room and told me to find somewhere to sleep. I had no money, no job, no friends, nothing. my dad said I wasn't welcome in his house. my grandmother said she doesn't know who I am anymore. I wasn't allowed to say goodbye to my little brother. They are all so brainwashed in their cult. I lost my boyfriend to the indoctrination too.


Although it is tough, like everyone you know acting like you don't exist. I have never been so alone. I saw my dad the other day, and he didn't even look at me, he walked right by like i was a stranger. Eventually I reconnected with an exJW I knew from when I was young, and she took me in, and my boyfriend woke up from his indoctrination, we are back together now, and he should be moving in shortly. I started making new friends, I celebrated my first birthday, my first Halloween, my first pride, I have a lovely job. I now live on my own, and I am completely independent, I have a Huge interest in doing drag, and I love drag queens. Hopefully I can find the time to do some more modding now, but my life is still settling, so we'll see if I can manage it.


Anyways, I guess that's an extremely condensed version of the last 6 months of my life.

What your family (and your church) did to you was absolutely fucking despicable. To hell with them, you're an awesome dude and deserved better than that, but at least now you are away from those poisonous influences and you could be yourself and happy. I'm glad you and your boyfriend are back together and happy! Don't force yourself back into the modding scene if things are still trying to settle, just let it flow to you when you're ready.

Glad your life is moving towards stability. Hang in there!

How heartbreaking :(

I can't imagine how terrible it must feel to be rejected in such a way. I'm glad you found a system for support though.

Hopefully your family will come around someday.
Good to have you back and thanks for sharing your thoughts with us! 
Its unbelievable how your relatives could react so intolerant and cold but im glad you made it out of that mess now.
We all here feel with you and i hope your absense will be a reason for your family to rethink their beliefs.

Thanks for sharing that experience with us and good luck on your path. Glad to hear you managed to get away from that system and that you can now once again live your life the way you want to.

Bah, ridiculous! That is so inconsiderate! I myself am a Christian! But the stupid things religion makes people do is absolutely despicable! Honestly! Who would kick out their own son like that? Really... Who would do it... I'm glad to hear you are happy, sounds like the past six months have been hell for you. If you brave the storm, if you fight the fire, if you walk through hell, and you make it out, you shall be prosperous!

I'm a fair bit late but I'm so glad you're starting to get things back together. Obviously the way you've been treated makes me at once sickened and completely fucking enraged, but the main thing is that things are looking up. You're a really great person, you deserve a good life and I'm sure things will keep getting better! I - and I'm sure everyone else here - will be happy to talk or even just lend an ear if ever you need it, and of course don't push yourself back into modding if you're not fully up for it.


Oya, ner vod!

Good you are on your own now. You do not have to conform to what you do not believe in. I am glad you broke out and are living a life of your own. It may be tough right now, but everything will turn for the better. Congrats on coming out and realizng who you are and not listening to people who will deny you for who you truly are. Live a good life, keep on modding, and most importantly keep on going on and be happy.

Couldn't help but read your story and I know I latecomer, but gotta say....


That's a helluva personal story you wrote about man. I normally wouldn't think people would act like that against their own kin. But then again it doesn't surprise me when people let religion and church dictate their thoughts and actions. 


Overall I'd say how it turned out for you in the end, even though you went through all that emotional hell and BS with your family and the church, was actually a blessing in disguise. Because now your independent from the family and you have your own life rules. Their problem with you about your life choice is not your problem, it's their problem and now their dealing with it. They're dealing with it because of how they think and what they believe. You can't help that or help them, because they live their lives today because of how they think.


Because the church they go to owns them mentally. If they want to remain in that church with all it's supposed blessings, whether alive or after death, they have to make a commitment and abide by their sacred rules. But the church and your family set you free. So you are no longer owned by either. That's the best thing that could of happened to you in the long run.


Hopefully one day at least some of your family members will see the true light and the error of their ways and learn to accept you as you are. People tend to change somewhat as they get older and there's always hope.


Good luck on your relationship and I hope you have a happy future ahead you. I wish you all the best. Don't let others hate, anger and resentment drag you down. Do what you want to do and think positive.

April 2018

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